Lessons I've learned from the J-man

This blog is about my crazy journey through life...the ups, downs, and definitely funny things that happen along the way.  Today is a little different.  I want you to meet J. 

 J just turned 11 and I have had him in children's ministry the whole time (boo, this is his last year!)  J is pretty much a celebrity in our quaint little town, and as you read this post you will realize why.  J was born with achondraplasia, which means he is a little person.  Before you say, "Aww, poor guy," just read the rest of the post...you won't be feeling sorry for this fella for long.  Being a dwarf has caused a lot of obstacles both physically and emotionally, but J has not only overcome many obstacles, he has taught so many along the way.  I want to share with you some of the lessons I have learned from my little J-man!

1-Life is not fair, but God is sovereign.  No...life isn't fair.  It isn't fair that J has had to endure 16 or more surgeries ( I forget how many exactly there have been).  It isn't fair that his back hurts consistently.  It isn't fair that his neck hurts because he has to look up all the time.  It isn't fair that people are rude out of ignorance.  It isn't fair that he can't physically keep up with the other kids in playing.  It isn't fair.  Well, that is what we (all of those who know and love J) think.  J, on the other hand, chooses to embrace who he is.  He chooses to remember that those people who say rude things just don't realize it hurts his feelings.  He chooses to remember that God CHOSE to make him like he is, and though things are difficult, there are so many blessings and opportunities that come from our hard times.  J doesn't get upset that he can't see over a big crowd, he just uses his extra space down there to zip right through a crowd like a superhero without ever being noticed!  Now, he is a kid and he is human, so yeah, he gets discouraged, but the difference is, he does not stay in that place.  He chooses to move on.  To see this fella praise the Lord in his hard circumstances brings me to my knees.

 2-Be patient, the world doesn't revolve around you.  Not only is J a little person, but he is also the youngest of four siblings.  Yes, our whole town knows J and caters to his every want (you should have seen his hospital room after a surgery just because he said all he wanted were balloons...I forget how many he had, but I'm pretty sure it was well over 50!), but again, he has 3 older siblings who are very involved in every activity under the sun, which means J has to just be patient.  Now, I know that ever kid has to learn to be patient.  It is a part of life we just have to learn at some point.  However, when you are a little person and just need a little more help (he needs much much less help than he used to of course), people sometimes forget, and patience is needed.  Yes, I have seen J yell at his family, but it was only used to be heard.  It is hard to be patient and I have seen him display it wonderfully.

 3-Be a good friend.  There have been times when I have seen J discouraged with his friends.  Now, J's friends are wonderful to him.  They help him, yet treat him like a regular guy.  However, because none of us have been in J's shoes, we just don't know what it is like to see your friends run outside and not realize you can't keep up.  We can't understand how it feels fully to notice people who don't know you staring and trying to figure you out.  We just don't understand.  Now, I want you to hear my heart in this.  I am in no way saying that J's friends have done anything wrong at all...they are great friends.,.I am always so encouraged to see them with him.  I just know that when I get left out accidentally or purposefully, when people talk about me, or when I get my feelings hurt, I may not be as gracious as I have seen J be.  He is a great friend!

Oh, and the picture below...that is not snot coming out of his nose...it is some weird lighting with the photo...my fault.

 I am so thankful that M and J are such good friends.  It sometimes brings tears to my eyes to think of the difficult things both of these kiddos have been through and how both have overcome so many trials!  I am blessed!

 4-It is ok to ask for help.  I sometimes have a hard time asking for help.  I would just rather do it myself than ask for help.  I don't know if it is pride, or not wanting to bother people, or maybe a little of both, but J is a great example of graciously and kindly asking for help.

As you can see in the picture, he also has no problem beating his friends up!  Hahaha.

 5-Like who you are.  Sometimes I have a hard time liking who I am.  I play the comparing game way too much.  I think things like, "I wish I could take pictures like________.  I wish I was quiet and gentle like ______.  I wish I had it together like ______.  I wish I was patient with my kids like _____."  Those thoughts that are quick to come to my mind can be so destructive if I choose to let them.  J could find reasons to wish he was different than he is, but this is a conversation I recently had with him in Sunday School:
Me: What is one thing you would change about your family...if you could change anything at all?
J:  I would make them all small like me.  It hurts my neck to look at them all.
Me:  You would make them small?  If you had a choice, would you make them small or make you tall?
J:  I would make them small cause it hurts my neck.  I like being small.  It's fun to be different.  And when I am in a big crowd, I can get where I want to go faster than anybody!

Good point J...like who you are!

 6-Don't give up...keep going and find a way.  Obviously there are physical obstacles to overcome in the little, everyday tasks, and while J is good about receiving help, he is also very independent and has a drive to do things on his own.  He has great endurance for sure!  I'm pretty sure I might play into my weaknesses and get all the help I can, but he doesn't.  Yes, he is in pain, but he keeps going.  He can whip around on his bike faster than some kids his age.  He doesn't not give excuses.  Things are often a lot tougher for him and he has to work a lot harder, but he doesn't give up!  Recently, I was in his house for something, and he wanted a drink of Sprite.  Instead of asking for one from one of the 3 adults standing there, he got the sprite out, then did his tricky climb onto the counter, reached up high, got his cup, did his tricky decline, and got his drink.  You might think this is no big deal, but I though it was a great accomplishment! 

 I know I have written a LOT about this guy today, and there are so many people in my life that I have learned so much from, but this is what God laid on my heart to write.  I hope you heard my heart as I wrote these things.  I know J is not perfect.  I know he has his imperfections, but he is also very inspirational in my life and God is using this little fella in a HUGE way to show God's love, grace, and power to SO many people!

 Thank you Lord for letting me know this J-man and his family!

Our last 6 and a 1/2

Our last six and a half birthday has finally arrived!  Happy 6 1/2 to our sweet S girl!  Why in the world would we celebrate 6 1/2 you may ask?  Well let me tell you a little story...

It begins in March/April of 2006...we had just picked up a wild little foster girl and were trying to wrap our minds around how to do the whole parent thing.  In the middle of getting clothes, hygeine products, enrolled in school, and getting to know the new person living in our home, we were exhausted and overwhelmed as we constantly tried to figure this girl out, explore her past and determine her needs for the present and future.  Our feisty little M needed the two to one ratio our home allowed at the time.  She was 6 at the time and woke up one morning saying she was 7.  That was it, she just decided she was 7.  So, we spent the next few days figuring out when her birthday was and when they entered the dhs system and so on (yes, it seems this would take one phone call, but it took several days...that's a whole different story).  While talking to the workers to figure everything out, M's worker started laughing and said, "Oh..that's funny!  M was removed from the home ON her birthday!"
There are some wonderful dhs workers, and we have had several workers who go beyond their job.  This was NOT one of those.  No, miss worker lady, it is NOT funny that a child was torn away from everything they know on their birthday!  That is not funny at all!!!  And, on top of it, this worker wasn't even right.  M was removed a couple of days BEFORE her birthday, which meant she spent her 6th birthday in a shelter, sleeping in separate quarters from her sisters, and being woke up in the night to comfort her sisters because they could not be comforted by staff.  Don't get me wrong.  I do not want to paint a terrible picture of the shelter.  This shelter is a really big one in the city and I'm sure they were packed.  They did not mean to ignore her birthday, but it just went unrecognized.  They are just trying to take care of basic needs, so things like birthdays might go unrecognized, and maybe they try to celebrate birthdays when they can (I know our local shelter does), but they just missed M's.  And as far as we can tell, the girls had no significant celebration of birthdays, which is the total opposite of how we were raised, so it just made us so sad!  No wonder M just woke up and decided she was 7, that's what happened when she turned 6.  She woke up one day and someone said she was 6!  Unlike the worker, it bothered us so much.  We were unsure that we would have her when she turned 7...I remember how distant 7 seemed!  My goodness, getting through one day was such an accomplishment, and we were preparing M to go back home soon, so the possibility of having her til she was 7 seemed so unrealistic to me!  It is pretty funny to think of now...we are planning her 12th, yes 12th birthday!  But at the time, 7 seemed so so far away, so we planned a 6 1/2 party!  Our friend RaeAnn's actual birthday was about that time, and we were visiting her, so we had a party, got a cake and had a little party, with our family and hers.  M loved it, and in our minds, that might be the last celebration she would get, BOY were we EVER WRONG!!!  Six months later, we celebrated her 7th birthday with a royal princess party (shared with her uncle Jarrod, yes he had a princess party)!  Six months later, with three extra kids, M remembered that it would be her 7 1/2 birthday!  We realized right then that this little situation was going to be pretty long term, and that would be a LOT of half birthdays to keep up with, so we better just stick to 6 1/2. 

And there you go...we now celebrate every one's 6 1/2 birthday.  One of the girls came home from school one day very sad that her friend didn't get anything for her 6 1/2 birthday...sorry parents if we caused any trouble there!

 And that brings us to our smiley S.  We got her when she was 2 1/2ish and I just can't believe we are already celebrating her 6 1/2...our LAST 6 1/2!!!  Maybe I will convince Bethany to let us do 6 1/2 for B, my nephew!

You might think that being the baby of 4 girls, S would be dependent and used to being bossed around by sisters.  Think again!  S is one independent girl and can boss with the best of them!  She loves to help people and seriously makes people smile when she smiles at them.  She is smart.  She sees needs and tends to them.  She is loving and sweet and let me tell you, she can hold her own against pretty much anyone!  Just a piece of advice, don't mess with S's sisters...she will come after you!!!  Happy 6 1/2 sweet S!!!