We look just alike!!!

The other day, while doing A's hair, she was chatting a million miles an hour, which is normal. I was partially listening to her words and partially just enjoying her smile and sweet facial expressions as she talked. This is the conversation that sparked my interest:

A: Hey Trinity, we look just alike! Except that I have dark hair and you don't. And I have brown skin and yours is white.
Me: yeah
A: And my eyes are brown and yours aren't. And our lips are different, but other than that, we look just alike!

I LOVE that! This girl doesn't look at just at our outward appearences to see if we are alike...she sees the heart. I am so thankful that God sees our heart too. I am thankful that God sees us and loves all of us...just the way we are. We don't have to change ourselves for him to love us. We don't have get rid of our mistakes for God to accept us. He loves us just the way we are. Thank you Lord for your unconditional love!

One Year!!!

So........one year ago, I started this blog. Wow....one year! I obviously started off the year of blogging much more ambitious then I ended it. I had a lot of backed up stories to share at the beginning. It has been a lot of fun. I really enjoy writing this silly blog, even though I know I ramble a lot and get side tracked in my stories, but I love writing. I find myself constantly "writing" blogs in my head as situations happen in life. I love it that as I have looked back at some of the stories I wrote at the beginning, I laugh all over again because I don't remember what I wrote. I love it...the best of both worlds....writing the blog then reading it later like I've never seen it before! Times like that with my terrible memory that I am thankful for this blog. I am thankful that I have some stories through my perspective written down. I so often wish I could have those stories from my mom's perspective written for me, but I don't. So I'll be happy that my girls will have them. I am really going to try to write more often because I know I miss out on the little things and conversations that happen.


So.....in honor of my one year of blogging, I going to share a few things the Lord has shown me through this blog.


The Lord has blessed me tremendously with encouragement from people. I receive love through words of affirmation, so when people tell me that they read my blog, or laugh or cry (sometimes at the same time) at one of the stories, it makes me really happy. It is really easy for me to get caught up in the struggles of life and it is easy to get caught up in the lies of the enemy....lies that I am not good enough, or that others are so much better than me. We each have to choose to not listen to the lies but replace them with God's truth. In my times when I am feeling not so great about myself, the Lord sends people to encourage me, and this blog has been a source of encouragement. I hope that came across the right way.


I have had some people tell me that through reading this blog, they have been encouraged to continue in their journey of foster/adopting children. WOW....what an honor and blessing!!! I mean really, I am truly humbled to think that God would use me to help inspire others in that journey! I think that sometimes we choose to not let people in our life and our heart because of a variety of reasons....fear of rejection, the thought that we just aren't good enough or worth it for people to listen to...whatever. But God brings each of us down different paths...each one is different from the others, but each one is so important and we can learn from each other. I think it is a shame if we hide ourselves and don't let people in on our journey. So thank you...each one, for joining me on this journey. It scares me sometimes when I remember that actual people will be reading my very intimate thoughts or my admitting how many mistakes I make. But it is worth it...thank you for being a fly on the wall for a year! It has been fun!

the Guard

Most of my stories on this blog are either funny and sweet things that the girls have said and done, with a little bit of just random thoughts I might be having. Today, I am changing it up. Yes...change...I know, big deal for me. Today, my story will not be about my girls, but instead it will be about another girl that I could not imagine my life without....my eldest sister Bethany. I did not ask for permission to share this story on the blog, because I knew she would never agree to it...BUT I did TELL her I was going to put it on here...no giving in....here it is. Hey, she was the bossy one growing up, so now it is my turn (and apparently I am good at it because my friends have been telling me lately how bossy I am...hmmm...). Anyway, back to the story. I could have a ton of stories to tell on Bethany, but I don't remember all of them exactly and I don't want her to start a blog and tell all of my stories on me (although I kind of do that to myself), so I will stick to this one, but it is a good one, don't worry. I laugh extra hard at this one every time I tell it. Some stories...the more you tell it, the more the "funniness" wears off, but not this one...not for me anyway. I hope it is funny to you too!
Several years ago (at least 6 or 7) Autumn, Bethany and I were sitting in our little house watching the news. Just sitting and talking and watching the news. Bethany's gasp stopped the conversation and we all listened intently to what the news man was telling us. It was something like this:
"The (I forget what team) NBA Team has cancelled tomorrow nights game due to the tragic and unexpected death of the guard _______________ (I don't remember his name)"

Bethany: gasp Oh my goodness. I just can't believe it!!!

Me: I know...how did they say he died? What happened?

Bethany: I'm not sure, but he must have been such a great man. I mean, what a great story for your life. He must have really had an impact on a lot of people's life for them to cancel an entire game for him!

Me: Yeah...I guess so.

Bethany: I mean think about it....for them to cancel a game because the security guard died...wow....that sweet security guard must really have been special!

Me: (after maybe 10 straight minutes of laughter) Not the SECURITY guard!!!! He was a player and played the POSITION of guard!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

Bethany: Oh, yeah...that makes a LOT more sense.

I love you very much Bethany and I am SO glad that I have this memory that can make me laugh just anytime I want to!!!

Stage Crew

M had her 4th grade program at school yesterday. I love school programs. I really do. It really doesn't matter if a child forgets their lines, or you can't understand them, or they trip and fall...the programs are always so cute and so much fun. And the truth is...they work hard and they always do a great job.






M tries out for a singing part and a speaking part every year. She has never gotten the part, and while she is always a little disappointed, she continues trying out, and it doesn't seem to bother her too much. Well, she tried out again this year.....and....she did not get a part again this year. That was okay. She was good with that.

A couple of weeks ago, Autumn picked the girls up from school, and I got a phone call from Autumn's phone that went something like this:

Me: Hello?

M:(screaming) I got the ...............................and I get to ................................wooohoooo!!!! (screaming some more with a LOT of excitement)

Me: Wahooooo!!!!! woooooo!!!!!! You did what?

I got the same screaming of mumbled words....couldn't understand a thing, but I knew it was good.

Me: YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!! Wahooooo!!!!!!! What is it?

M: I got stage crew.....for the play!

We did a lot of screaming and rejoicing on the phone, then I asked her what the stage crew does and she said, "We get to put things on the stage AND take it off again!

The girl was thrilled. She was more excited than if she actually got a part! And how exactly did she get picked for stage crew you might ask? Well, the music teacher picked children who were responsible, and good in class...YAY...that makes her mother happy! Autumn and I both got to attend the program, and I will tell you that M had every microphone where it needed to be, the drums got put on and off the stage safely, and she did it all with confidence and a smile! Yes...it made her mother VERY proud! And as I proudly watched my girl move those things, I thought about my attitude in life. I'm not so sure I always have such a great attitude about things. I tend to feel sorry for myself when I don't get what I want. Thank you Lord for this lesson from my sweet daughter....thank you for using her to show me that EVERY role is important and we need to do the best at what we are given.

I LOVE my stage crew hippie girl! (By the way...they could dress as anything having to do with rock...so I got a hippie girl!

Clue....or Clueless

When I was little, our family liked to play board games together. I loved the game of clue and I always wanted to play it, until we actually started playing. You see, my dad and my sister Autumn are very logical and strategic people. I am not. I would much rather play the game of clue a different way...where you guess which room, who did it, and what murder weapon they used....AND you guessed why they might have done it, and what happened leading up to the murder. Ok, so it wouldn't really be a game to win...but it would be hours of fun! Needless to say, I NEVER won. Never ever ever. I still have not won a game of clue to this day and I am 31 years old! Ugh! Why? Because I play with Autumn...the super smart strategic logical smart sister! I am not kidding...Autumn makes all of these little marks on her paper ALL through the game. She doesn't just make an X when she sees a card...she is constantly over there making marks. So what do I do? I make marks on my paper too...I try and guess why Autumn is making marks on her paper and every time she makes marks...I do too...only I'm not sure what my marks are for, and I get confused, and I end up with a whole bunch of marks on my paper that I have no idea what to do with! By the end of the game, the super-sleuth knows every card that every person has....it kind of makes me mad because I can't figure out how she does it! And she tells me every time now what marks she makes...only I forget by the time we pull out the game again, and I am back to square one. So, I have accepted the fact that I will never win clue when I play with Autumn, and I have become content in being Colonel Mustard every time and just imagining what led up to these murders.






Well, as much as you might wish the story ends there, it doesn't. Yes, I can make even a story about the game of clue last forever! It is funny to me how, even though the girls are adopted and do not share our genes, they are so "us" when we were little! Let me give you a little glimpse into our game of clue the other day.




We sat down to play and we each picked our person. Autumn is always Mrs. White...I used to always be Miss Scarlet, but now H and M get her...depends on the day...so I am Colonel Mustard and M was Mrs. Peacock. With everything set, we could begin marking our papers and put a check by all of the cards we have.




H: So what do we do?




Me: Put an X on your paper next to the items that you see their cards ok? You are trying to figure out what three cards are in that sleeve, so if you see the card, then you know it isn't in there...got it?
H: Ummm.....well.....ok

Ok. And the game began. M, Autumn and I start playing our game...we move to the rooms, guess our guesses, mark our papers (I still watch Autumn and mark what I think she is marking). H moves from room to room...asking about each room as she does. As she or anyone else picks a weapon, the question is quickly asked, "How do you use that?" We explain how you would used the particular weapon to kill someone, to which she responded, "Ouch...ooo...that hurts". It really takes away from the strategy in your game when the girl next to you is constantly "feeling" the murder happen...the fun game of clue kind of became gruesome and yucky! It was so funny...and what was even funnier...I totally related to her...we really are alot alike! H would just sit beside me and squirm and kind of giggle every time someone would guess who, where and what...I knew exactly what was going through her mind....she was picturing every "murder" happen. Poor girl...she must think this is an awful game! At one point, she said, "This game just makes me feel all bloody!"
Oh dear...what moms we are...we make our kids play games that make them feel bloody!
AND, she had NO idea how the strategy part of the game worked....AT ALL, which made us laugh hysterically every time it was her turn! She would get in a room, choose a weapon, and EVERY SINGLE time, she chose Mrs. White as the murderer. Every time. What is so funny about that? In the game of clue, you choose a person, place and weapon, and then ask the person on your left if they have any of those...if they do, they show you one. H asked Autum every time, and EVERY time, she used Mrs. White, and EVERY time, Autumn showed her Mrs. White....and each time Autumn showed her Mrs. White...she would laugh and totally not understand why Autumn kept showing the same card........I don't know if I am explaining this in a way that totally shows how funny this game was...I don't know if you can picture it, but it was SO funny! So...lesson learned...H and I will stick to a more creative game, a not so logical game!

One time....

If you are my facebook friend, then chance are you have seen me post something that begins with "One time..." I told some friends about this game, so we post these random things on eachother's walls. It is so funny that such a random thing draws so much attention, but I have had a lot of people ask me what the trick to the game is. You know that everything in my crazy life has a story...so here it goes.

The girls tattle and it drives me CRAZY!!! Why in the world do they have to tattle about every single thing.....I mean really...I do not CARE if she looked in your direction! So, one particular morning on the way to school, I hear THE whiny voice...the one that you just know is followed by a tattle.
A: "Triiiiinityyyyy????? (Very high-pitched and whiny)"
Me: I don't want to hear it...I don't want to hear it....
A: One time...M pinched me!
Me: Really? You can't even find something about TODAY to tattle about, you have to go back to a whole different time?

As I found myself getting more and more upset and frustrated, I calmed down for a half-second and made the choice to not yell and get mad, but to just calm down and find another way to get through the tattling, so I replied:
Me: well, One time...I got in the car. (I forget the exact thing I said, but you get the idea)
Me: One time...I drove a car.
Autumn: One time...I sneezed.
H: One time...I did homework
M: One time...I buckled my seatbelt.

A wasn't thrilled with the whole game until we were laughing so hard at what we were saying, that she couldn't help herself, and she joined in.
So now we just think it is a funny game and we like to say One time....then we add random things. One time...I read a book. One time...I brushed my teeth. Well, I guess you get it. I am cracking up while writing this!

Mother's Day

I have been thinking about what I would post on this blog for Mother's Day for months. And now that mother's day is here, I'm not really sure what to post. I have so many feelings that stir up in me when Mother's Day rolls around. Let me just take you through some of those feelings.


I was thirteen when my mother passed away. Thirteen is such an awkward age where emotions are all over the place about silly things, so you can just imagine what it would be like with a traumatic situation. The thought of Mother's Day would bring a flood of emotions that would overwhelm me...I mean really take over. To say the first few mothers days were hard would be the understatement of the year. I was just so sad...I was hurting so intensely and just wanted her back. Of course as a young teenager, I was pretty self-centered. All of my emotions and thoughts about Mother's Day were about me and how sad I was. As the years went by...I began to think Mother's Day was not a day of pain for anyone but me, so I tried to put on my happy face and be happy for everyone who was making their happy phone calls to their moms and taking their happy moms to lunch and happily buying their moms gifts. I truly wanted to feel happy for them, but I felt hurt and pain.







Here is the cool thing about the awesome God that I serve (the one TRUE God)...He is a mighty God and loving God...even through painful situations. You see, he can take our hardest and most painful things in our lives, and use it to glorify HIS name. I'm reading back on what I wrote and it sounds as if I was a miserable person. I wasn't. And I wasn't faking a smile all the time...just on that day. And most Mother's days...the fake smile didn't last long and I cried my eyes out...I don't fake well at all. Anyway...back to the journey....through the years, other people in my life have lost a parent to all kinds of circumstances. Well...guess who they trusted with their pain...someone who has been down that same path...me! WOW!!! I had a choice. I could choose to bury myself in my hurt and pain, or I could choose to let God use me to help others through theirs. Having the chance to help others through their pain has helped me heal...I love it that God places people in our lives so we can walk through this journey together.

As the years passed, Mother's Days have become easier in many ways, but truthfully, sometimes I am still flooded with emotion on this special day. As I got older, most of my friends were married and having children of their own...I always felt a little awkward on Mother's Day. I felt out of place...I didn't have my own mother to celebrate (I do have a wonderful and lovely step-mom whom I love very much and do not want to overlook) and I did not have children. I didn't question God...I knew he is a sovereign God, I knew it...I knew that he has a plan for my life...I knew that he was using me as a "mother" to children in the church, but I still felt awkward. I felt out of place. Five years ago, I became a foster mother, and those awkward feelings were still there. I hope I am explaining this right. I felt like I was going down such a different path than any of my friends...like I wasn't a "real" mom, just a foster mom.

And then God led Autumn and I to adopt our girls. In a way, there was a different feeling after they were adopted...I was now officially a mother! Yay! But, also in fostering and adopting these girls, Mother's day has brought to light a new perspective in my mind. Let me try and explain. I have worked with kids pretty much forever, and even had kids live in my home as a foster parent, but in adopting my girls and becoming a mother, I realize SO many times that there were actual reasons my mother did different things with or to us! There are so many times that I think...oh my goodness, I remember my mother saying these same things to us....why oh why didn't we listen? There are so many times that I remember acting the way my girls do, but I just can't remember what my mom did...I just want to call her and ask what to do next! I just want to hear her voice say it will be ok sometimes.

Then I think about my girls' biological mother...wow, what emotions she must feel each day, but especially on Mother's Day. Putting all of my opinions of her aside, I know she loves the girls and I know it must be incredibly hard for her to face the consequences of her decisions every day. I can't imagine the pain that she must feel.

For the first few years that we had the girls (when they were in foster care), Mother's Day was so so hard on them. They wouldn't cry usually, they would just act very naughty. It was the only way they could express their feelings I guess. At school and at church, everyone else was making cards and crafts for their moms, and they were left not knowing when they would see their mom and not knowing what would happen with their future. It was so hard for them. Remembering the way that they were in those first few years helps me to remember that there are still thousands of children left in that limbo state of foster care. There isn't closure in their life....they are left wondering. They don't know where they belong. They are trying to figure out what role people play in their lives. It breaks my heart and brings me to my knees in prayer.

I feel like I am rambling and talking in circles, but I hope you see my heart in this and see what I am trying to say because I think it is pretty amazing. I have kind of given you snippets of my heart and what I was thinking and feeling at different points of my life. But it is simply amazing to see how God works everything together. You see, if I had not experienced the loss of my mother, I would not have the same understanding of the pain my girls experience in losing their mother. Because of the loss I have, I can be there for them in a totally different way. Wow...Thank you Lord for using terrible situations for Your Glory! Thank you that you never leave us alone...that you give us people to walk this journey with.

Happy Mother's Day! This Mother's Day...I am happy to say that I had the MOST wonderful mother who has left her legacy in not only me, but in so many people....she was an awesome mother and role model to tons of people. I am excited to see what my girls made me at school...the things that they are so proud of. And I am thankful that Mama C gave birth to my beautiful girls...and I pray that she is comforted today.

Very Proud

There are moments in my day that make me scream with frustration. There are moments in my day when I am at a total loss because I feel like a failure as a mom...like I am not doing anything right. There are moments in the day when I feel like giving up. Thankfully, there are other moments in my day than just those. Thankfully, there are many many moments in the day when I laugh so hard I couldn't imagine something be any funnier. Thankfully, there are moments that I see one of the girls helping others, or doing something that is hard for them to do. Thankfully, there are many moments when I look at the girls and feel so proud and so in awe that the Lord has chosen me to walk with them in their journey.
This month is Foster Care Month. It has really got me thinking. Of course I think about where my girls would be if they were left in the biological home. I also think about where they would be if they were left in the foster care system. Foster Care is awesome...it is awesome to be able to take care of a child and help them through a traumatic situation. BUT the truth is...the foster care system is difficult to go through. It is hard for both foster parents and foster kids. There is abuse that happens in FOSTER homes. Foster parents get tired of navigating through the system and they give up...leaving children off to yet another home. When a child moves from home to home, they get their hearts broken. They learn to guard themselves and to not trust people. When foster kids get moved out of a home, foster parents get their heart broken. It is a hard system. It is heart breaking. BUT....this is what I have learned...it is WORTH the risk!!! It is WORTH the risk of getting my heart broken (and yes...our hearts have broken each time children left our home). YES, we did get attatched and it hurts when they leave, but it is WORTH it!!! It is SO worth it!
Today, the foster care recruiter for our county brought our church bracelets. On each bracelet is the name of a child in our county who is in foster care. We get to pass the bracelets out, and every child in our county will be specifically prayed over....AWESOME!!! Well, I passed some of the bracelets out tonight, and some children were taking them. As they took them, their dad was explaining that they got to pray for the child whose name was on the bracelet because they were in foster care. Of course they asked what foster care is, and the dad began to explain. My girls were there looking on and listening to the conversation. They were not ashamed that they were once in foster care. They were excited. They were excited that people were learning about foster care...I could see it in their eyes. And M stepped in and added to the explanation of foster care. As I stood there and watched her talk, I was amazed. I was SO proud!!! I was so proud that 1-they are open with their story 2-that they are passionate to help others get involved to help kids in foster care. AMAZING!! Thank you Lord!
I totally realize not every person is called to do foster care. I know that. I know people are called to different things. BUT...I also know that we are called as Christians to take care of the children without parents...we all have different roles in taking care of these children. Please join me in praying for children in foster care...pray that they would be comforted when they move homes, that they would be able to find someone they can trust, pray that they would FEEL loved! Pray for foster parents as it is often a struggle dealing with the system, pray that they would be able to understand their kiddos and where they come from, pray that they would take the risk and love these children whole-heartedly!!!