Wow...19 years seems like a really long time. Truth is...it IS. When a person is at a job for 19 years, it is a big deal. When a person lives in a home for 19 years, it is a big deal. My 19 years....my mom has been gone for 19 years. Wow...19 years! That's a long time. While last year I felt the sharp pain on the anniversary of her death, this year the pain is in a different way. Let me see if I can explain this.
Last year, I missed my mother. I wanted to spend time with her. I wanted to hear her laugh. I wanted to taste her cooking (cause she really did cook so good). I wanted to do something crafty with her. I wanted to play with her hair. Get the idea? I wanted to just be with her. While I still dearly want those things this year, it seems to be a bit different. This year...I want her to bake cookies with my girls. I want my girls to rub her feet. I want her to pick out presents for my girls. I want my girls to call her on her birthday and sing to her. I want her to sing all of the fun kids songs to the girls.
I am so so truly blessed with my stepmom, aunts, and so many friends who fill many parts of the role of my mom and especially in regards to my girls, but I miss having HER fill that role. No one can do things like her. I miss that. My heart hurts...it really does.
But I think about what the Lord did on this day several years ago (I wrote about it last year on September 23), and I KNOW and REJOICE in the undeniable fact that God has made new life. He has restored this once gloomy day and made it a day of new life. God has given me so many blessings in my life. So many. One of the things that many people say to Autumn and I all the time is "Wow...I am so glad you took these girls, I just don't know where they would be without you."
I never know how to take that. I never know how to respond. Part of me thinks, "Man, I know...where would they be if they were still in that situation." Then the other part thinks, "Are you kidding? Autumn and I make so many mistakes!" Then, I realize what the truth of the statement is...."WOW...where would these girls be without the Lord rescuing them from the terrible awful place and restoring them anew."
What a beautiful picture of what the Lord CAN do for us all, if we choose. He takes us from our dirty sin and restores us and makes us new. I am amazed when I look at my girls and see this tangible picture of God's restoration. Because, these girls weren't just saved and now they are doing just ok...they have overcome so many things, risen above them, and are now using those same terrible experiences to minister to others. Just this week at the dinner table, the girls brought up the fact that a lot of kids often ask them about their past. I asked them how they handled it, and I had nothing really to add except for encouragement. They were handling it the right way! Thank you Lord!
Anyway...I know I have rambled on and on, but my point being, that on this day that I specifically remember the worst day of my life, I also rejoice in God's grace and mercy. I rejoice in the fact that he makes things new.
Oh...and the pictures were taken over a year ago, but I love them. Each girl got something of my mother's to take her picture with ....LOVE them!!!!!
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