Imperfections

I am not a perfectionist. I never have been a perfectionist at all. Actually, my super-non-competitive personality sure might drive some people crazy. I can usually do projects, and whether they are perfect or not, I can be happy with them. Well, I have found myself to be my worst critic in two areas of my life: photography and cake decorating. I do not know why I get so hard on myself about those two things. Here is a little example.





The girls just love it that I took the beginner cake decorating class and that I can make their birthday cakes rather than buy them. It really doesn't matter what I do on the cakes, they think it should be in a magazine. They oooo and awww over every little thing I make, so you would think that I wouldn't put pressure on myself to make a perfect cake right???? WRONG!!! I don't even know why I do it, but I guess I watch too many of those cake shows (Ultimate Cake off, Cake Boss, Ace of Cakes, Cupcake Wars...yeah...I love those) and for some reason I forget that those guys have had years of experience and/or formal training and that after one beginner class and only less than a dozen cakes made, I won't be able to be cake boss just yet. I forget that and I envision a cake boss cake in my head when I get ideas. It just doesn't always turn out that way. And with most things, it just would not bother me, but this cake thing does. So, for the birthdays, the girls have been able to come up with an idea and we can put it on the cake. They are so happy to be apart of the cake and so proud that their mom/aunt made it. Very proud moment...then WHY am I always pointing out the imperfections? Why am I expecting the cakes to be perfect, and WHY oh WHY can I not just enjoy the moment and look at my cakes and be happy with them?

S just had her birthday (I'll post more pictures later) and I FREAKED out about the cake. Here was her request: a round cake with grass and yellow flowers, a sun and rainbow...sounds easy right? Well, first off, the paper that I wrote my frosting recipe on got something spilled on it, so I had to do the recipe from memory, which you all know that memory isn't the greatest. The frosting tasted great, but I put way too much butter in it, so it got soft easily, which makes it hard to work with on the cake. So, after working with my melty frosting (putting the cake in the fridge every few minutes) and trying to figure out how to make the rainbow and sun out of fondant. I know it sounds easy...just a circle and a some lines for rays, but I had to find the right size circle and figure out how to make the rays....I ended up with the apple cutter for the rays. I kept running into problems, which while writing these cake problems out on this blog, I am realizing how silly these are, so I will spare you the rest of the details, but just know that I was frustrated...and you might know that when I stress out, I get a LITTLE dramatic! So, as I finished the cake, all I saw was a pile of melted frosting and fondant that looked like playdo a three year old threw together. I threw the cake (ok, I didn't throw it) in the fridge, and started calling and texting Bethany and a couple of friends to tell them of my disaster (cause apparently I didn't listen to Autumn when she said it was cute and S would love it). After a while, I finally heard back from a couple of them who CALMLY had me tell them the problem and send them a picture and ASSURED me that the cake was great and S would love it.

We also got to bring cupcakes to S's class, and she wanted yellow ducks on her cupcakes, so instead of trying to make them out of fondant, I chose to use peeps. Again, my frosting was melty, and all I could see were the imperfections of the cupcakes.

So, you might ask, why such a long post on such a silly thing? I have been wondering the same thing...why am I spending so much time and effort focusing on the imperfections? So the Lord spoke to me. Yes, He used cake and melty frosting to speak to me! Here I am focusing on the imperfections, but in all reality, (and I am talking about life now, not just cakes) through our imperfections God can show His strength. If we were perfect, there would be no need for HIM. He also has shown me how silly it is to spend my efforts worrying about frosting and cake when there are far greater things to put my efforts in. There are people who need the Lord all around me and I am worried about cake??? Yeah...put it in perspective for me! So, thank you Lord for the lessons you teach me...thank you that you can even use melty frosting to show me more of who YOU are!

And just so you know....S LOVED her cake!!! And I LOVE that!

Cousins

I think I have said a million times how much I love my cousins and what a special bond I have with them. I love it that the girls love their cousins so much! We don't get to see the cousins in TX quite as much, but we get to see little cousin B more...not enough, but more.

He fell off of her back!

The girls wore hats...B wanted to wear their hats....you are welcome Jarrod (his dad) for introducing him to Barbies, dolls, and girly hats.

LOVE the bond that sisters have....there is none like it!!!!!!!

I love details....they show so much love. H is so tender and nurturing...this picture shows it. She loves B and loves to just hold him and cuddle him.

B fell asleep...I love his eyelashes. They are beautiful!

RUN FOR COVER!!!

Spring in Oklahoma means one thing....TORNADO!!!! Oh my...just the sound of the word makes my eyes grow wide and my body tense. My fear of storms and tornadoes are not a recent thing...it's always been there. Luckily, or unlucky for those around us, my cousin Amanda and I share the same fear and dramatic reaction to storms, although she has probably outgrown hers as she became an adult. One summer (I'm thinking it was summer), my family and Amanda's family (our moms are sisters) were on vacation together, driving in a big van. We always had fun on vacations together. The sun was brightly shining in the bright blue sky as we drove to wherever we were going. Amanda and I just happened to hear the man on the radio say that there was a tornado.....and just like that, we were hysterical. Hysterical! We were ready to pull over and hop in a ditch. I'm pretty sure one or both of us were crying until our parents got our attention long enough for us to hear the REST of what the weather guy was saying....the tornado was in a TOTALLY different state. Way off. A couple of years after that incident, I am guessing that I maybe 6th grade, Autumn, Amanda and I were staying at Amanda's house while our moms were running errands. We were junior high, so we were fine, and Norma the house cleaner was there cleaning house. Well, the weather was typical Oklahoma weather, and pretty soon, the weatherman was on tv telling us where the storm was and where it was headed. Oh my...that was the end of it. Amanda and I immediately were up, gathered up pillows and blankets, and stuffed ourselves into the closet under the stairs. We situated all of the blankets and pillows completely around us so we were cushioned all around. Calm Autumn watched the weather to figure out where it was compared to us, and gathered some snacks and such. The only reason she came into the safe cushioned closet with us is because we were yelling at her to hurry up and get in before she blew away. We were pretty hysterical. And all the while, Norma was UPSTAIRS cleaning away! Okay, so fast forward to last year. Yes, last year. Even though I know I am a grown woman and I know I am a mother, there is just something that happens inside of me when those weathermen start hollering about how they saw rotations and they are getting bigger and faster and closer and.....oh my goodness, I get all freaked out just writing about it! Ok, so during one of the storms, we were keeping an eye on the tv, and by keeping an eye, I mean that Autumn was reading a book and listening to the important parts, and I was frantically pacing back and forth while flipping through all of the stations trying to figure out when we were going to blow away. Our cellar is full of water, and usually we go to our friend Becky's house, but for some reason (I don't remember what it was) we did not go to Becky's, but decided to stick it out at home. And I am pretty sure that I asked Autumn every 5 minutes if we should go in town or to Becky's, but she answers calmly each time...no, I think we will be ok here. I am glad she is calm. I need calm in my life during the storms! Well, it was getting closer to our town, although the path was looking like it would go several miles west of us and pretty much miss us, it was too close for my comfort, so I frantically started telling (or yelling out) the girls to get their shoes on and bike helmets. Our roommate from college, Erin, instilled in us to always have your shoes on in a storm because that way you have shoes on if your house is blown away! So we had them get their shoes on. We don't say grab your shoes, because last time we did that, H ended up with a whole bunch of random shoes in her hands and none on her feet, so now we say "Get your shoes on" not "Grab your shoes". The girls were all quickly and calmly looking for their bike helmets and shoes. One girl could NOT find her helmet. She just couldn't find it and was getting a little upset. I started to feel so guilty. You see, as one of my children was running around the house looking for a helmet, I had one. So, I gave her my helmet. I am telling you, tornadoes turn me into a crazy lady! So, I found the other helmet, and joined the girls in the shower until all was finally clear. This brings us to this week. We got home from work/school, and had about an hour and a half to rest a little before we headed out to my friend Emily's birthday party. It had just started raining as we came into the house. My step mom Pam called and told me that the weather was looking bad for us, so we turned on the tv only to find a lost signal. Oh great. It really didn't worry me too much because the real bad weather was supposed to be later I thought. Autumn got on the Internet, and things looked ok, and that is when the TV came on and those weathermen started hollering at us! They named our town and said "Look at those clouds! There could be tornadoes dropping from the sky at any moment" That was it. That was all that had to be said! It was over for me. Crazy tornado lady came out, and I went frantic. "GIRLS GET YOUR SHOES ON". They did not get frantic, but they did NOT waste any time! I, however, started trying to shove the dog into his kennel, but he did NOT want to go. I then started yelling things at the dog...something about him (the dog) going to be the reason that we all blow away! Autumn, on the other hand, was calm. She told me to call Ann, Emily's mom to see if we could go to her house early because she has a basement. Ann calmly told us to come on over. Something just comes over me when in those storms. Autumn grabbed an orange on the way out and asked if I wanted one. I'm not sure exactly what I said, but something to the effect of not wanting to get blown away. All the way into town, I kept thinking those tornadoes were going to just drop out of the sky and blow us away. We needed to get the cake from the church for Emily's party, but I didn't want to get blown away...Autumn reassured me a million times that we had enough time to get the cake. The hail started falling just as we pulled up to the church. Autumn suggested that we sit under the awning until the hail stopped. I, however, decided that we would get blown away and needed to get to shelter right away, so there we were...driving with the cake through the hail!!! Yeah...and the girls? Well, the girls stay pretty calm. S asks a ton of questions, like...Is that cloud going to come a tornado? when? (My reply to her isn't real calm or reassuring). A and M make songs about the tornadoes. (I don't appreciate the songs in the time of stress). And H stays quiet with her eyes wide and follows every instruction immediately. And Autumn...she stays calm, gets everything together, and tries to get me under control! Now, with all of this said, I will tell you the amazing thing in all of this. The Lord is strong when we are weak. You see, on Wednesday nights, as children's minister of our church, I am in charge of a whole bunch of children. When storms come on Wednesday nights, I have to be the calm and in charge person. Obviously, you can see that my nature is NOT to be calm in storms. BUT in the times that storms have come on church nights, He has given me a clear mind and calm spirit. THANK YOU LORD for your strength and your love and your grace!

WOW

Today has been a weird day for me. It has not been terrible. This morning I made a good choice to not yell and holler when three out of the four girls were not getting ready, but rather they were moved the mattress off of the bed and were using it as a slide and trampoline. I chose to not yell when they had just a few minutes to get ready and were standing there in their pajamas and/or undergarments. Nope. I chose instead to walk by calmly, smile, and say, "hmmm...I hope your friends like your underwear, cause we are about to leave, no matter what you have on." I was proud of myself for not yelling, but the day just started off weird like that...I mean really...they girls might be crazy, but using the mattress as a slide? Come on. So that is how the day started, and it was just kind of weird and kind of blah all day. I was productive at the office, but I just didn't feel the greatest. I didn't feel sick. I didn't feel mad. I felt like withdrawing away from everyone (which is not like my normal self). I felt like being by myself, but then I felt sorry for myself for being by myself...make sense? Nope, not to me either...I'm telling you, that is how my day has been. I did make a good choice, though, to instead of going into a total pity party, to pull out my handy dandy Word of God and spend some extra time in it. That was good. I painted some signs for VBS. That was good. I like to paint signs. Can you see how this day was? Not bad, not great, kind of blah, pretty productive, not exciting necessarily. I even had a sweet lady ask if I was feeling okay because I looked like I may not be feeling my best. Hmmmm....I guess it was noticeable! Our secretary had some unexpected errands come up that she had to run, so I was in the office by myself. I liked the quiet and longed for noise at the same time...very strange I know! Well, that is when the Lord spoke to me. He spoke in a great way to me, and he used a sweet man to do so. A man that has been doing some renovation work in our church came by to get his check. Seeing that getting checks signed was one of the errands our secretary had to do, we had to wait on her to return. Yes, I said HAD. I wasn't upset about waiting with this man, but I wasn't thrilled either. I smiled a cordial smile at him, and he so politely started asking about me and who I was and my life. That is when the Lord spoke to me....he said...LISTEN. So I made another choice...I chose to listen. And here this sweet man sat, telling me about his family...and I listened. He was so very proud of his children and the choices they have made. He asked if I had children and I gave his the nutshell version of our story...and he started telling me about a child that he got to informally foster. He lived in Dallas, and a kid in the neighborhood broke a window. I think he told me how that happened, but I think that is when I was fighting with the Lord about listening, so I missed it. Anyway, I started to clue in, and he told me how the kid was mean and didn't like him. The man decided that he wouldn't get mad at this kid for breaking the window, but he would have him work it off...and he gave this kid jobs to do. The kid was not happy about having to work off the broken window, but did it to pay his debt. Little by little, this kid found out he kind of enjoyed that man who made him work! He started spending a lot of time with the family and working with the man consistently. The man paid the kid, and they bought him clothes and food. The man and his family moved away from Dallas and back to our little town. By this time in the story...I was glued, and forgot all about my blah day. I really thought he was going to tell me that he never heard from the kid again. Nope. He told me the kid, who is now married and has 2 children, still calls them and comes to visit once a year. He went to college and became successful in business. WOW!!! This man looked at me and said....he just needed a chance! He just needed to know someone thought he could do it! WOW!!! How many people just need a chance and just need to know that someone thinks they can do it? How many times do I take the opportunities laid before me? How many times do I get wrapped up in myself that I miss what is happening right in front of me? WOW!!! Thank you thank you thank you LORD that I got to visit with this man today. Thank you for your unending love for us...thank you for giving US chances. Thank you thank you! So this odd little day came with a great lesson and a blessing! And would you like to know what else it came with? Oh yeah...a great funny conversation. As I was talking to the man, Autumn and the girls came in to the church, then I had to take Autumn to the high school because she tutors a kid there. So I said goodbye to my new friend, loaded up the two little girls, and took Autumn...took us all of about 4 minutes. As we were pulling up at the church again, this was the conversation: S: Wait!!! Where is Autumn? A: Oh yeah!!! Where is she? (now remember that they were there when we took her and said goodbye as she got out of the car) A: Oh yeah....now I know...she is at the school, right? Me: right S: For tutoring, right? Me: right A: Well, which is she doing? Me: What? A: Which is she doing? Me: I don't know what you are talking about...she is tutoring a kid, like she does every week. A: But WHICH is she doing? Is she doing a TOOT, or a RING??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! I needed that good laugh today!!!!

Dad--part 4

I always forget and upload pictures backward, so sorry about that. Anyway...here are the promised pictures from dad's deacon ordination. I am so so glad we got to go and experience this with them. I loved it!

Dad--part 3

So let me tell you the real reason dad and Pam came to visit this past weekend. At church, my friend Kim started a manners class for 2nd-5th grade girls. It was wonderful for the girls. Before she started it, she talked to me about wanting to end the class with a father/daughter dinner. Of course, my first thought went to my girls...what would they do? What would they think? Are they going to feel bad? I panic easily...but then I get myself together. They will be ok. The Lord has us in our specific situation at this specific time for a reason. He WILL take care of us in every way. So....I called my dad and asked if he would like to come and take the girls. Then I contacted my uncle (my dad's brother) Scott and asked if he would take the girls. They were happy to.

The girls LOVED it!!! They had so much fun with their grandpa and uncle. Thank you Lord for these men...thank you that they step in when needed. The Lord has given us so many great friends. There are many men in our church, or other uncles we could have called if dad and Scott couldn't have come. Thank you Lord for taking care of us and caring about the details in our lives!

Some high school girls came in and did the girls' hair and nails before the dinner....they had so much fun!!!

LOVE IT!!!

And the award goes to....

Well, if we are talking about the "Mother of the year" award, I lost that a LONG time ago, but yesterday was yet another example of why I lost that award! Let me tell you a little story. We have to flash back to five years ago. Five years ago, we had a little 8 year old girl that had been in our home a week and had one more week to be in our home before returning to her foster/adoptive home. We felt that we should get another girl in our home before B left, that way she could learn better how to live with siblings. Well, that afternoon Autumn called me. I, unfortunately, do not remember the exact conversation, but it was something like this: Autumn: "Remember that little M that is in the shelter?" (Autumn worked at the shelter and we had been praying about whether to get M or not) Me: Yeah (a little hesitation, LOTS of excitement, lots of nervousness) Autumn: Well, we can get her Me: Tonight? Are you kidding? But RaeAnn (our very very good friend) just had her baby and we are going to the city to see her, and she is so whiny, are you sure? Autumn: It's okay (she is so calm)...we can just take her for the weekend, and if it doesn't work out, then we can take her back on Monday Me: Like a pass? Autumn: yes Me: Okay. We can do a weekend pass What I figured out later, and just confirmed right now as I write this, is that Autumn never just signed her out on a pass. She signed her out for good. Smart Autumn knew that we were not going to take her back. And don't get me wrong...it's not like I just thought we could take a kid and try them out then take them back. That isn't the mindset I had. It was just so overwhelming to me at that time to get a phone call and know that just a couple of hours later, you would welcome in a child for who knows how long. And to know that we needed to get things for her. Tooth brush, undergarments, clothes, school things. She came with the clothes she had on (that matched), and then a couple of other pieces of clothing, but none of them matched. It was overwhelming to me to think about what we needed to get, and what kind of story does this girl have. It was overwhelming to not know how she would react to anything we put before her. Now, looking back on that situation, I thank the LORD that he shows us JUST enough for us to handle. Can you imagine the shock I would have felt if in that phone call Autumn said, "I am bringing home the girl that will be your daughter forever, and we will soon get her other sisters, and here is all of the terrible things she has faced..." Thank you Lord that all I knew at that time was that we were getting her for a weekend pass. That is all I could handle. Autumn called on her way home and told me that it was going to be a REALLY long night taking M to see RaeAnn and the new baby because M was so wild on the ride home. Oh great...oh great...oh great! We found out two things about M that night: 1-She would run into ANYONE'S arms, jump up and hug them...ANYONE...it doesn't matter if we know them or not. 2-when a tv is on, she sits VERY still, when there is not a tv on, she is all over the whole room...RaeAnn's room had a tv! So, why am I not getting the award you may ask? Well, flash forward to this week. When we tell the girls when their anniversaries are, I say that M's is March 30th. So, I knew that Friday is April 1, so Thursday is M's anniversary...March 30. On Tuesday evening, we were doing doing homework, and M's homework had to do with the number of days in the first three months of the year. That is when we realized that there are 31 days in March. Well, that is all fine, but we had it in our heads that M's anniversary is the last day in March...March 30. So, now we are in a pickle...is it the 30, which is the number that stuck in my head, or the last day of the month, the 31st? We were pretty convinced that it was the last day of the month, so we explained to M our mix up, and that her anniversary is really the 31st. On Wednesday morning, M was frustrated easily, and obviously upset about something, but really, mood swings are not unusual, so we did not think too much about it! I got to work and quickly got a call from Autumn...she had looked on facebook and realized something. It was B's (RaeAnn's baby that is now 5) birthday! That meant that March 30 REALLY was her anniversary! I think we go through that every year, and I think probably next year we will do the same thing...30 or 31!!! We felt AWFUL! I mean really, what mother forgets the day she got her child? Good grief! I decided to go to the school and let M know it was her anniversary so she could enjoy it. Thankfully, our school administration is so good and let me go talk to her. I pulled her out of class, and her whole countenance showed that she was having a bad day. I asked, "What's wrong?" She replied, "Well, I'm just sad cause I thought today was my anniversary!" THAT is the reason for the bad mood this morning! So I started jumping up and down and celebrating telling her it IS today! There we were, in the middle of the school hallway, both jumping up and down and laughing with joy! Next year...anyone reading this please help us remember when we second guess ourselves, that it is NOT the last day of the month...it is the 30th! Also, we have decided that after we celebrate 5 anniversaries with them, they get to give them away. Now, don't worry, we will still celebrate them on that day, but we will do it differently. Instead of the focus being only on them, they get to do something for someone else. So we can celebrate them by giving back. So many people have helped us along the way in SO many different ways...we can help someone else. It might be that they make cookies for the kids in a shelter, or buy a game or something for a foster family, the ideas are endless, but our hope is that when they are older...when their anniversary time comes along, they will use that date to be intentional about helping others. We are so excited about this...H is so excited about this...M was a little sad at first to give away her anniversary, but now that she understands it better, she is excited too! I am forever thankful that the Lord brought my daughter into my life 5 years ago! Thank you Lord for the way you have worked in her life and used her to bless others!