Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Trust Me

Trust is a hard thing for me. To let go completely...not even holding on a little...that is hard. Really hard. I've been learning a lot about trust and thinking about trust lately, then at camp the Lord spoke through a story the pastor told. I'll get to the story in a minute. I don't know why I have a hard time trusting people completely and trusting the Lord completely....when I look at my life, I have been so blessed with a heritage of Godly people in both sides of my family. I did not realize growing up how rare it is to have such a rich and deep Godly heritage. My parents loved me, showed me a Godly example....I have no real reason to not trust people, except that I guess it is just our human nature to not trust. Then I look at my girls...they have every reason in the world to not trust. People have failed them over and over. They have been abandoned, left, neglected, hurt....they have every reason to not trust people. And I can't sit here and tell you that they trust every person whole-heartedly every time. Nope. And each girl is different....some of them have their guard up much more than others. However, I can tell you that I have learned so much about trusting people from them. I look at their lives...and I am amazed at how they choose to trust...trust the Lord, trust Autumn and I, trust others in their lives. It is beautiful. It inspires me.
At camp, the pastor told a story about a father and son...the son was born with a condition that he was bound to a wheel chair and he could not speak at all. He was helpless. But the doctors somehow hooked up machines to his brain and could interpret his thoughts into words through a computer. I know I am missing some details of how it all happened, but this is what ended up happening...the son wanted to run, so the dad made it happen. He got into shape, and this father/son pair have run in countless marathons and triathlons. Here is how they do it: the father runs/swims/bikes while pulling or pushing his son. The son is totally and fully dependent on the father. And the dad proudly, selflessly, and strongly carries his son through these races. I know I was at camp as a sponsor to help the kids, but the Lord spoke so strongly to me through this illustration (and the video of them racing). This is a beautiful beautiful picture of trusting the Lord. Trusting isn't telling God what you want and hoping he listens, which is often what my bossy self does. Trusting isn't walking around blindfolded with one hand holding onto God and the other hand feeling around for what might be in the way. Nope...it is fully letting him carry us. Being completely helpless to Him. And what is so beautiful about the picture of this father and son is that every time, the son had a HUGE smile on his face. There was no worry, no hesitation, no doubt. He was so happy, knowing that his father was going to carry him to the end, and he could enjoy it the whole way. Thank you Lord for this lesson! I needed it!!!

Camp

I love Children's Camp...I really love it and look forward to it each year. Our camp is at Falls Creek, which is near and dear to my heart because my grandpa was the director there a long time ago, and I have so many sweet memories there. Because we leave pretty much right after school gets out, it is hard for me each year to transition from school mode to summer mode. This year was pretty special because M got to go to camp...I can NOT believe she is actually old enough, but sure enough she is! This was my 9th (yes 9th....I am old) camp to take campers to, but my very FIRST one to SEND a camper to! And although Autumn and I both went to camp, I have a rule that while we are at camp, I am NOT mom and she is NOT my child...that's the way it goes, and we both did pretty good with those roles. It was kind of weird actually, because after the parent-camper meeting (which I was in charge of and wrote up all of the papers for), M went home and wanted to pack. Sure, that's fine...pack away. Yeah...that's fine until she starts to argue with me about what they were supposed to or not supposed to bring. "They SAID we couldn't do that!!" Umm....if you remember, I AM "they"! She did so good at separating me as her mom and her children's minister, that she forgot I am both! It was so funny how she did that, but it worked I guess!


It was kind of a weird couple of weeks for me before camp. I was struggling with some things and just having a hard time in life in general....it was hard for me to concentrate and get things done. Of course the Lord provided a way...he always does. Autumn ALWAYS does all of the behind the scenes work that nobody notices. Well, after 9 camps, people are finally noticing a little bit of how much Autumn does. My friend Emily was the other blessing HE provided. Emily was SUCH a blessing. She helped me in so many ways to get things organized, going shopping for everything, and just listening to me. Thank you Lord that you provide people to walk this journey with!

Emily and I had talked the night before camp as we were both packing, and we decided to bring some matching shirts, HOWEVER, we got these purple shirts that day, so Autumn and I wore them. We had no idea Emily had gotten the same shirt! The shirts are from supporting the house fm radio station...we had no clue Emily's family supports them and she would have the shirt...it made me very happy!


M did so good at camp. I was really expecting to find all of her stuff all over the cabin, to have to remind her to do things and I really wasn't sure how she was going to do in that setting. I was so so proud of her! She was so grown up, and she even showered AND brushed her teeth without me asking her too....my baby is growing right up!!! There is a memorial pavilion in honor of my mother at Falls Creek, but we didn't go take a picture by it! Emily even reminded us and we forgot!






I was so proud of all of my 4th and 5th graders. The first morning there, the Bible Study was about David and Goliath. David was a small boy whom God called to fight this giant Goliath. Of all the strong men, God called David, a scrawny, small shepherd boy. Why in the world would God want the little fella to fight the giant? I am sure David was a little doubtful...well...let's just say that I would be a LOT doubtful if I was David. I would be so scared and asking God over and over if he was sure that is really what he wanted me to do. But David faced the giant...gathered 5 stones and his slingshot, and hit that big man right in the head with one stone and brought him to the ground. Though most of the kids had heard this story before, Emily (she taught the Bible study) brought it to a more personal level. She asked them to share that day some of the giants that they face in their lives. A couple of them shared with the whole group, but most did not. As the day went on, very few had shared. They really didn't have time to think about it! So that night, we gave them some time. It was amazing and heart breaking to hear these kiddos pour their hearts out. They became so open and vulnerable.



From that point on, the focus went from the things that we were doing at camp to the things that we were learning and what God was doing in our lives. It was so so beautiful to see! yes, we still played volleyball, got icees, and such, but these kids were so open to what the Lord wanted to do in their lives....it was awesome!




Thank you Lord for this opportunity you gave me with these kiddos! I pray that we as adults would be that open and vulnerable to let the Lord do what he wants in our lives!


Tuesday, May 31, 2011

We look just alike!!!

The other day, while doing A's hair, she was chatting a million miles an hour, which is normal. I was partially listening to her words and partially just enjoying her smile and sweet facial expressions as she talked. This is the conversation that sparked my interest:

A: Hey Trinity, we look just alike! Except that I have dark hair and you don't. And I have brown skin and yours is white.
Me: yeah
A: And my eyes are brown and yours aren't. And our lips are different, but other than that, we look just alike!

I LOVE that! This girl doesn't look at just at our outward appearences to see if we are alike...she sees the heart. I am so thankful that God sees our heart too. I am thankful that God sees us and loves all of us...just the way we are. We don't have to change ourselves for him to love us. We don't have get rid of our mistakes for God to accept us. He loves us just the way we are. Thank you Lord for your unconditional love!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

One Year!!!

So........one year ago, I started this blog. Wow....one year! I obviously started off the year of blogging much more ambitious then I ended it. I had a lot of backed up stories to share at the beginning. It has been a lot of fun. I really enjoy writing this silly blog, even though I know I ramble a lot and get side tracked in my stories, but I love writing. I find myself constantly "writing" blogs in my head as situations happen in life. I love it that as I have looked back at some of the stories I wrote at the beginning, I laugh all over again because I don't remember what I wrote. I love it...the best of both worlds....writing the blog then reading it later like I've never seen it before! Times like that with my terrible memory that I am thankful for this blog. I am thankful that I have some stories through my perspective written down. I so often wish I could have those stories from my mom's perspective written for me, but I don't. So I'll be happy that my girls will have them. I am really going to try to write more often because I know I miss out on the little things and conversations that happen.


So.....in honor of my one year of blogging, I going to share a few things the Lord has shown me through this blog.


The Lord has blessed me tremendously with encouragement from people. I receive love through words of affirmation, so when people tell me that they read my blog, or laugh or cry (sometimes at the same time) at one of the stories, it makes me really happy. It is really easy for me to get caught up in the struggles of life and it is easy to get caught up in the lies of the enemy....lies that I am not good enough, or that others are so much better than me. We each have to choose to not listen to the lies but replace them with God's truth. In my times when I am feeling not so great about myself, the Lord sends people to encourage me, and this blog has been a source of encouragement. I hope that came across the right way.


I have had some people tell me that through reading this blog, they have been encouraged to continue in their journey of foster/adopting children. WOW....what an honor and blessing!!! I mean really, I am truly humbled to think that God would use me to help inspire others in that journey! I think that sometimes we choose to not let people in our life and our heart because of a variety of reasons....fear of rejection, the thought that we just aren't good enough or worth it for people to listen to...whatever. But God brings each of us down different paths...each one is different from the others, but each one is so important and we can learn from each other. I think it is a shame if we hide ourselves and don't let people in on our journey. So thank you...each one, for joining me on this journey. It scares me sometimes when I remember that actual people will be reading my very intimate thoughts or my admitting how many mistakes I make. But it is worth it...thank you for being a fly on the wall for a year! It has been fun!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

the Guard

Most of my stories on this blog are either funny and sweet things that the girls have said and done, with a little bit of just random thoughts I might be having. Today, I am changing it up. Yes...change...I know, big deal for me. Today, my story will not be about my girls, but instead it will be about another girl that I could not imagine my life without....my eldest sister Bethany. I did not ask for permission to share this story on the blog, because I knew she would never agree to it...BUT I did TELL her I was going to put it on here...no giving in....here it is. Hey, she was the bossy one growing up, so now it is my turn (and apparently I am good at it because my friends have been telling me lately how bossy I am...hmmm...). Anyway, back to the story. I could have a ton of stories to tell on Bethany, but I don't remember all of them exactly and I don't want her to start a blog and tell all of my stories on me (although I kind of do that to myself), so I will stick to this one, but it is a good one, don't worry. I laugh extra hard at this one every time I tell it. Some stories...the more you tell it, the more the "funniness" wears off, but not this one...not for me anyway. I hope it is funny to you too!
Several years ago (at least 6 or 7) Autumn, Bethany and I were sitting in our little house watching the news. Just sitting and talking and watching the news. Bethany's gasp stopped the conversation and we all listened intently to what the news man was telling us. It was something like this:
"The (I forget what team) NBA Team has cancelled tomorrow nights game due to the tragic and unexpected death of the guard _______________ (I don't remember his name)"

Bethany: gasp Oh my goodness. I just can't believe it!!!

Me: I know...how did they say he died? What happened?

Bethany: I'm not sure, but he must have been such a great man. I mean, what a great story for your life. He must have really had an impact on a lot of people's life for them to cancel an entire game for him!

Me: Yeah...I guess so.

Bethany: I mean think about it....for them to cancel a game because the security guard died...wow....that sweet security guard must really have been special!

Me: (after maybe 10 straight minutes of laughter) Not the SECURITY guard!!!! He was a player and played the POSITION of guard!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

Bethany: Oh, yeah...that makes a LOT more sense.

I love you very much Bethany and I am SO glad that I have this memory that can make me laugh just anytime I want to!!!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Stage Crew

M had her 4th grade program at school yesterday. I love school programs. I really do. It really doesn't matter if a child forgets their lines, or you can't understand them, or they trip and fall...the programs are always so cute and so much fun. And the truth is...they work hard and they always do a great job.






M tries out for a singing part and a speaking part every year. She has never gotten the part, and while she is always a little disappointed, she continues trying out, and it doesn't seem to bother her too much. Well, she tried out again this year.....and....she did not get a part again this year. That was okay. She was good with that.



A couple of weeks ago, Autumn picked the girls up from school, and I got a phone call from Autumn's phone that went something like this:

Me: Hello?

M:(screaming) I got the ...............................and I get to ................................wooohoooo!!!! (screaming some more with a LOT of excitement)

Me: Wahooooo!!!!! woooooo!!!!!! You did what?

I got the same screaming of mumbled words....couldn't understand a thing, but I knew it was good.

Me: YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!! Wahooooo!!!!!!! What is it?

M: I got stage crew.....for the play!


We did a lot of screaming and rejoicing on the phone, then I asked her what the stage crew does and she said, "We get to put things on the stage AND take it off again!






The girl was thrilled. She was more excited than if she actually got a part! And how exactly did she get picked for stage crew you might ask? Well, the music teacher picked children who were responsible, and good in class...YAY...that makes her mother happy! Autumn and I both got to attend the program, and I will tell you that M had every microphone where it needed to be, the drums got put on and off the stage safely, and she did it all with confidence and a smile! Yes...it made her mother VERY proud! And as I proudly watched my girl move those things, I thought about my attitude in life. I'm not so sure I always have such a great attitude about things. I tend to feel sorry for myself when I don't get what I want. Thank you Lord for this lesson from my sweet daughter....thank you for using her to show me that EVERY role is important and we need to do the best at what we are given.





I LOVE my stage crew hippie girl! (By the way...they could dress as anything having to do with rock...so I got a hippie girl!

Clue....or Clueless

When I was little, our family liked to play board games together. I loved the game of clue and I always wanted to play it, until we actually started playing. You see, my dad and my sister Autumn are very logical and strategic people. I am not. I would much rather play the game of clue a different way...where you guess which room, who did it, and what murder weapon they used....AND you guessed why they might have done it, and what happened leading up to the murder. Ok, so it wouldn't really be a game to win...but it would be hours of fun! Needless to say, I NEVER won. Never ever ever. I still have not won a game of clue to this day and I am 31 years old! Ugh! Why? Because I play with Autumn...the super smart strategic logical smart sister! I am not kidding...Autumn makes all of these little marks on her paper ALL through the game. She doesn't just make an X when she sees a card...she is constantly over there making marks. So what do I do? I make marks on my paper too...I try and guess why Autumn is making marks on her paper and every time she makes marks...I do too...only I'm not sure what my marks are for, and I get confused, and I end up with a whole bunch of marks on my paper that I have no idea what to do with! By the end of the game, the super-sleuth knows every card that every person has....it kind of makes me mad because I can't figure out how she does it! And she tells me every time now what marks she makes...only I forget by the time we pull out the game again, and I am back to square one. So, I have accepted the fact that I will never win clue when I play with Autumn, and I have become content in being Colonel Mustard every time and just imagining what led up to these murders.






Well, as much as you might wish the story ends there, it doesn't. Yes, I can make even a story about the game of clue last forever! It is funny to me how, even though the girls are adopted and do not share our genes, they are so "us" when we were little! Let me give you a little glimpse into our game of clue the other day.




We sat down to play and we each picked our person. Autumn is always Mrs. White...I used to always be Miss Scarlet, but now H and M get her...depends on the day...so I am Colonel Mustard and M was Mrs. Peacock. With everything set, we could begin marking our papers and put a check by all of the cards we have.




H: So what do we do?




Me: Put an X on your paper next to the items that you see their cards ok? You are trying to figure out what three cards are in that sleeve, so if you see the card, then you know it isn't in there...got it?
H: Ummm.....well.....ok

Ok. And the game began. M, Autumn and I start playing our game...we move to the rooms, guess our guesses, mark our papers (I still watch Autumn and mark what I think she is marking). H moves from room to room...asking about each room as she does. As she or anyone else picks a weapon, the question is quickly asked, "How do you use that?" We explain how you would used the particular weapon to kill someone, to which she responded, "Ouch...ooo...that hurts". It really takes away from the strategy in your game when the girl next to you is constantly "feeling" the murder happen...the fun game of clue kind of became gruesome and yucky! It was so funny...and what was even funnier...I totally related to her...we really are alot alike! H would just sit beside me and squirm and kind of giggle every time someone would guess who, where and what...I knew exactly what was going through her mind....she was picturing every "murder" happen. Poor girl...she must think this is an awful game! At one point, she said, "This game just makes me feel all bloody!"
Oh dear...what moms we are...we make our kids play games that make them feel bloody!
AND, she had NO idea how the strategy part of the game worked....AT ALL, which made us laugh hysterically every time it was her turn! She would get in a room, choose a weapon, and EVERY SINGLE time, she chose Mrs. White as the murderer. Every time. What is so funny about that? In the game of clue, you choose a person, place and weapon, and then ask the person on your left if they have any of those...if they do, they show you one. H asked Autum every time, and EVERY time, she used Mrs. White, and EVERY time, Autumn showed her Mrs. White....and each time Autumn showed her Mrs. White...she would laugh and totally not understand why Autumn kept showing the same card........I don't know if I am explaining this in a way that totally shows how funny this game was...I don't know if you can picture it, but it was SO funny! So...lesson learned...H and I will stick to a more creative game, a not so logical game!